in the face of adversity
in the heat of battle
in other's time of need
when in trouble
when nothing makes sense
UntitledMy words are so cringe-inducing
rarely do I write well
my rhymes are all the same
so for a while I stopped saying them
my vision got real blurry
I couldn't see the path
tripping while I walk
I guess I still can't
I'm bad at moving on
I can never get with it
so when I like something
I seem to get addicted
it's because I'm all alone
I feel like no one gets me
I think she kinda did
but then again she isn't with me
UntitledI wanna run away, not from home
but to it, cause my mind's doing wrong
I mean the thing's stuck on stupid
my mind's in the gutter
like I was lobotomized
by a living a dumpster
I try to be crytic
but life's an open book
try to be happy
harder than it looks
is this a rush to the grave
cause I miss the days as a lonely ass kid
cause what's happening now
is worse than that shit
Damn right, like a dog's right behind me
tuck my head between my legs
kiss my own ass goodbye, but
enough with the buns
although I've got one more
I'll save it for the phone
that's what prank call's for
I don't really want money
just wanna live
use my art as a vessel
try and hit it big
don't wanna fuckin mansion
just wanna fall in love
my heart's in the right place
unless it's wrong..
UntitledI don't wanna be here
I guess that's kinda stupid
trying find a purpose
can it really lie in music
my head is a mess
and I ain't talking bout my haircut
I got some dark shit on my mind
like my cranium was blacktar
ex still on my mind
I don't think I'm fine
writing all these tragedies
based on my life
I guess this is reality
so what the fuck is happiness
except not a dream
VMy mood changes like the seasons
I'm always falling....ugh
my mind is kinda stuck
when you can't seem to b------------
my face is always on neutral -_-
cause I just don't give a fuck
yeah, depression is a thing
I've just gotten used to it
that's why I wanna make moves
and get into this music shit
I wanna be the best, that no one ever was
but my head is in a vice, like I crossed pathes with the mob
IVWhere'd it all go
the castle on the mountains peak
the luminescent t.v. screen
the plastic bag parachutes
the dining room with no A.C. unit
Sorry, I'm just be emo
I do that as a hobby
why not make it a living
cause finding peace is behind me
it's really only on me
I won't blame another person
not to say they didn't play a part in my hurting
What happened to fried potatos
the little onions
the white chocolate hershey
and a small bag of funions
where's the kid with innocence
envisioning some ridiculous
stories of delicious fish, a green badger
with a pack of mints
my minds been on money, pain, dreams, and nightmares
why the hell is it a girl that's the cause of my tears
IIIIf words can move mountains why don't they
if you're over her, why you still cringe when she's near
and you feel all surprised, someone blow in your ear?
Nope, you're caring too much
and you don't seem to hear
IIStill stuck on Spring, cause my spring's sprung
people still asking what went wrong
I think I obsess too much on
the one who wouldn't put a dress (in joke)
sorry for the broken hearted rhymes
I was going through broken record times
I'm still not better, but at least I won't lie
I've had bad thoughts, sometimes I wanna die
cause nothing's written in stone
that's why people get high
anxiety, a hierarchy of alone
varying degrees of a sickness
from a sick kid who stays at home
ISorry for the broken words
I'm like a bird, I flew the coop
my words of "endless sorrow"
made my niggas think I was looping
but I guess I really was
didn't want to admit
didn't see the fault
in my own stupid shit
A smidgen of smitenIt's really been a while
stuff building up inside
2011I was quiet
last year I felt like dying
I know it's kinda stupid
I think I think too much
it's the same with caring
when I shouldn't give a fuck
cause love was never here
so it's time to move along
I'm super sick of juggling
what went right and wrong
LessonsIn forty-seven minutes I will be twenty-one years old and my throat is tight with this notion
that every passing moment is a boat taking me further from the boy on the side of the road.
I am terrified of the swelling tide of time, the ripples I will create,
the creases that will be etched into my face
without the laughter lines I know he would have left and
one day someone will ask me how many siblings I have and I will hesitate
because he will be so distant and I can feel it coming.
I never intended to swim without him, but
I am drowning under the weight of pocket-stone-people,
the ones I love who he has never met and won't ever meet
and its forty-four minutes until I turn twenty-one when I realize the relentlessness of this;
how I will age away from him and I am disgusted with myself, with his ashes on the bookshelf,
with this world that keeps making mistakes that can't be fixed.
Twenty one years old and I am a semi-colon, a shuddering pause on the floor,
remembering the time I broke
Dear Homophobic ParentsDear homophobic parents,
How the fuck do you think it makes me feel
When you walk out of the room crying
Because you can’t stand the thought of something I can’t control.
I’ll tell you that it makes my insides burn.
The living room feels like a closet.
Suffocating, and yet I can breathe fine.
I am choking on the air,
Polluted by your homophobic slurs.
Making uneducated guesses about things you know nothing about.
Someone ought to teach you to look shit up
Before you go about, shouting your false claims to the world.
My very existence is an error.
Some messed up chemical defect that went wrong,
I don’t belong
I am the Titanic,
To you I am supposed to be perfect
I am supposed to be straight, and happy, and fine.
But I am so very far from fine,
When my lungs are filling up with water,
Your words are an ice berg,
And I am sinking fast.
beautiful.i hate my stretchmarks
the vertical the horizontal the ones running miles down my arms
stripes on a circus tent
my body is a freak show
75 cents a ticket
they are the bars on a cage
trapping me inside this prison cell of flesh
(not letting me run away
from all i once was)
reminding me that i am
still that little girl who
was told that she had too
much weight in her stomach
and in her thighs
to be called beautiful
my stretchmarks are the debris from when i tried to collapse upon myself
tried taking up less space
because beautiful is small beautiful is skinny
diets upon diets
because i've been told that
i am only worth the sharpness of my collarbone
why i never wrote you a poem.last summer i tried
to use the words that you fell asleep to
to write you a love song but
every time i tried
my fingers froze up.
i failed the test of describing you
in a paragraph
in a sentence
in a word
there is nothing in my head adequate enough
to describe how you look
on the train station platform
when you smile at me.
i can tell you that
my heart climbs into my throat and
my body prickles with heat and
everything disappears, for just a moment, but
the thing i cannot describe
your mouth caresses my name
like it’s the most beautiful sound
it’ll ever know,
like it understands me perfectly,
you are not made of verses.
you have no meter.
you are not written in stanzas
that i understand
and i find myself captivated
at how beautifully complex
your language is.
you say i’m the mesmerizing one, but, baby,
you've stumped me.
you have left a girl,
a person who wants to build their life
girls that photosynthesizeI.
i asked my mother to buy me sweetener,
and she said "no," and she said "no,
sugar is better for you it's more natural"
so i shrug and i clamp my teeth over
my tongue and sew my mouth closed
and i steal sweet n' low
from the pizza place
my friends watch me pick at my lettuce,
a rabbit-food-lunch that makes me sick
to my stomach, and when i run to the
bathroom during science class they
follow me and ask what i ate for breakfast.
i say "waffles" because they can't know
i won't let them stop me
my therapist asks me if i think i'm sick
and i'm not, i'm strong, but i can't be
not here not here, and the $$$$$$$$
are ticking away as i consider my answer
so i say "yes" and she asks me what
i will become and i say "better"
because that's all they want to hear
my dietitian sets up a rough meal plan
and she says i won't gain weight on it
somehow i trust this woman with art
on the walls of her office and i pick
through the day in corn-kernel bites,
There is a weight
You asked me to hold.
(Just for a while,
Just for a while.)
My tendons strain and snap,
I lack your Atlas strength.
The crushing force of gravity
Makes me weak, makes me sore.
Take it back, take it back,
But you’ve gone away.
I’m sinking down, I’m sinking down.
The water rises to my throat.
Pushing down, rising up
Drowning and drowning and drowning.
Take it back, please take it back,
Where have you gone?
I’m pinned beneath this weight,
With water to my nose.
My lungs fill up with salt,
Choking and screaming and breathing
Only freezing thickness of water.
Where is that mild friend oxygen?
Where has he gone?
My stinging eyes are blind here.
I cannot to escape, unwilling
To shed this leaden snare
Wherein I dwell confined.
I grip it tightly.
Surely I will die,
Sweet air has left my blood
I lay back and let black water take me,
Frozen fingers loosen on Your weight.
And all at once
it falls away
I watch i
Feel like shit? Read this. Hey you.
Yeah you, reading this right now at this very moment.
You are awesome. No, really, you are.
You may not believe me, but it's true. You don't see it because you're upset right now.
Whatever you're going through right now, whatever has upset you or turned your life upside down, just know that it won't last forever. Nothing good lasts forever, that's true, but nothing bad lasts forever too.
Eventually whatever you're going through will pass, you'll move on through healing over time, and you'll be able to be happy again someday, don't worry. As long as you don't give up. You may never completely get over it, or it may take years or more to move on from, but I can promise as time goes on the pain will become less and less.
It may feel like no one gives a fuck about you, and you may want to give up on living, but please don't. I can promise atleast one person out there gives a fuck. And if no one does, then I do.
If you have no friends, I ca
The Girl Who Was Afraid To BeShe speaks to me fondly
of passions and talents,
of guitars and stars,
with such breathless intensity
then stops short and
for speaking at all.
All because somewhere in her life,
someone she loved broke her heart
her beautiful words
and telling her to
keep it down,
People aren’t born sad.
We make them that way.