tell me everything cause I don't get it
I just want to know why it seems like when
goodbyes were said...
you were quick to say 'em
UntitledMy words are so cringe-inducing
rarely do I write well
my rhymes are all the same
so for a while I stopped saying them
my vision got real blurry
I couldn't see the path
tripping while I walk
I guess I still can't
I'm bad at moving on
I can never get with it
so when I like something
I seem to get addicted
it's because I'm all alone
I feel like no one gets me
I think she kinda did
but then again she isn't with me
UntitledI wanna run away, not from home
but to it, cause my mind's doing wrong
I mean the thing's stuck on stupid
my mind's in the gutter
like I was lobotomized
by a living a dumpster
I try to be crytic
but life's an open book
try to be happy
harder than it looks
is this a rush to the grave
cause I miss the days as a lonely ass kid
cause what's happening now
is worse than that shit
Damn right, like a dog's right behind me
tuck my head between my legs
kiss my own ass goodbye, but
enough with the buns
although I've got one more
I'll save it for the phone
that's what prank call's for
I don't really want money
just wanna live
use my art as a vessel
try and hit it big
don't wanna fuckin mansion
just wanna fall in love
my heart's in the right place
unless it's wrong..
UntitledI don't wanna be here
I guess that's kinda stupid
trying find a purpose
can it really lie in music
my head is a mess
and I ain't talking bout my haircut
I got some dark shit on my mind
like my cranium was blacktar
ex still on my mind
I don't think I'm fine
writing all these tragedies
based on my life
I guess this is reality
so what the fuck is happiness
except not a dream
VMy mood changes like the seasons
I'm always falling....ugh
my mind is kinda stuck
when you can't seem to b------------
my face is always on neutral -_-
cause I just don't give a fuck
yeah, depression is a thing
I've just gotten used to it
that's why I wanna make moves
and get into this music shit
I wanna be the best, that no one ever was
but my head is in a vice, like I crossed pathes with the mob
IVWhere'd it all go
the castle on the mountains peak
the luminescent t.v. screen
the plastic bag parachutes
the dining room with no A.C. unit
Sorry, I'm just be emo
I do that as a hobby
why not make it a living
cause finding peace is behind me
it's really only on me
I won't blame another person
not to say they didn't play a part in my hurting
What happened to fried potatos
the little onions
the white chocolate hershey
and a small bag of funions
where's the kid with innocence
envisioning some ridiculous
stories of delicious fish, a green badger
with a pack of mints
my minds been on money, pain, dreams, and nightmares
why the hell is it a girl that's the cause of my tears
IIIIf words can move mountains why don't they
if you're over her, why you still cringe when she's near
and you feel all surprised, someone blow in your ear?
Nope, you're caring too much
and you don't seem to hear
IIStill stuck on Spring, cause my spring's sprung
people still asking what went wrong
I think I obsess too much on
the one who wouldn't put a dress (in joke)
sorry for the broken hearted rhymes
I was going through broken record times
I'm still not better, but at least I won't lie
I've had bad thoughts, sometimes I wanna die
cause nothing's written in stone
that's why people get high
anxiety, a hierarchy of alone
varying degrees of a sickness
from a sick kid who stays at home
ISorry for the broken words
I'm like a bird, I flew the coop
my words of "endless sorrow"
made my niggas think I was looping
but I guess I really was
didn't want to admit
didn't see the fault
in my own stupid shit
A smidgen of smitenIt's really been a while
stuff building up inside
2011I was quiet
last year I felt like dying
I know it's kinda stupid
I think I think too much
it's the same with caring
when I shouldn't give a fuck
cause love was never here
so it's time to move along
I'm super sick of juggling
what went right and wrong
I Find MyselfI find myself in my bedroom walls,
Silent and ever watchful.
I find myself in the worn living room floors,
Beaten down until used to it.
I find myself underneath my bed,
Understanding that I am my own monster.
I find myself looking at the door,
Wondering when it will open.
I find myself peeping through the window,
But night leaves nothing in my sight.
I find myself in old conversations,
My heart finally still.
I find myself stamped into black words,
Wishing for white paint.
I find myself in moonlight,
And beg for the sun.
I find myself in a dream,
After all of this nightmare.
I find myself crying,
Because you are still there.
I find myself hoping that this,
This is the last time.
I find myself turning from you,
There is no use lying.
I find myself smiling,
I find myself a lost cause,
I always find myself
Waiting for you.
Rising from the ashesI sank down
All the way to the bottom
And I thought
I'd never rise again
But I've found my way
I relied on great friends
I fought hard
And even if I still have
A long way to go
I'll keep trying
I will survive
The Girl Who Was Afraid To BeShe speaks to me fondly
of passions and talents,
of guitars and stars,
with such breathless intensity
then stops short and
for speaking at all.
All because somewhere in her life,
someone she loved broke her heart
her beautiful words
and telling her to
keep it down,
People aren’t born sad.
We make them that way.
I couldn't see the consequences-
As I tried to trust my heart
I just couldn't resist-
The blind love that ceased my wars
Helping me let go of the struggles-
That I foolishly held in my hands
I freed the thoughts that quarreled-
Tears fell in order for me to stand
Truth can be the worst enemy
Lies can be the strongest ally
Harmony isn't immune to tragedy
Because you made a myth out of your apparent humanity
Mistakes can never be renamed! / Scars can never be erased!
Compassion is used as bait! / Two sides to every face!
A piece of peace is caged! / Watch the bridge burn away!
I'll desecrate the meaning of “passion”
You redefined my every moral
There will be no hesitation
I won't need anyone -anymore-
I ignored the risks-
Of handing over my hope
Killed by a kiss-
Turning my world to stone
I believed in your deceit-
And I fell too hard
My mind endlessly screams-
There was a time
when he had long, curly hair
to rival that of any
his father called him
"My little Princess"
but he was always a
Prince, and couldn't see
why his Mother did not
There were two times
where he went to a church
once for a Christmas service and
he couldn't understand how
"God is love," when he
had been cursed with a body
not his own -
another a few years later
when his outside
matched his inside,
but they turned him away
still claiming that
"God is love," and he
still couldn't understand
how that was possible.
There were three times
when other boys at school
followed him home cursing
every bone in his body,
calling him names, there
was one with blue eyes
who had a knife and left him
and the nurses in hospital
called him the wrong name -
at night he cried bitterly
about the world's ignorance.
There were four times
when he wondered if there
was a special heaven
for boys like him and,
hoping there was,
I won't cryyou can ask me how I am.
that's okay I won't cry
I don't know how I am, I can't correctly describe it.
Other than to say there's a constant ache in my chest
and a tightness in my throat,
with swelled up emotions sitting somewhere at the back of my eyes.
You should be careful what you say
but then I can't even explain what triggers these feelings
so say what you like,I'll just react in which ever way,
cos I have no controll now.
The way I feel everyday, has become so familiar to me,
since I lost him.
Sometimes it's so hard to bear,
the constant ache in my chest threatens to crush me
It's hard to breath.
The tightness im my throat burns,
I want to wail out loud my inarticulate utterances of grief
and release all my pent up emotions.
But don't worry you can ask me how I am.
It's okay, I won't cry.
Written by Suzanne karbach
21st may 2015
It Was Never You...It really wasn't...
And I know that I can twist this truth as much as I want...
Whenever I'm sober, when I know I can put up that fake plastic smile;
Just a few formal words that burn like acid from a liar's lips!
"Differences in personality, a divergence in ideals..."
Please, fucking, SPARE ME!
Because when I look in this mirror, I know.
When I see myself looking back at me, I know.
Right here, right in front of my own blackened self;
Those eyes that both reflect and stare into my dingy soul.
I was the problem.
I was the instigator.
I was the perpetrator.
And when I had broken every last bit of her,
I was the one, who let it all fall to pieces.
So please, you don't have to feel sorry for me,
I am a bastard and I've got a very special place in hell waiting for me...
- Word of Chen, Darkest Hour, 16th February 2015
on the difference between life and livingotherkids grew up learning how to avoid obstacles
while riding their bikes without training wheels
skateboarding in parks with the company of their friends
and a thing called happiness,
The Bright Side of DyslexiaI was born with auditory dyslexia.
I once heard of someone who wrote, directed, and coastguard in their own movie.
I knew what the right word was, but it still got me thinking:
About the invigorating music of waves crashing against my vessel,
The challenge of serving to the best of my skills,
The pride of keeping the shores of my homeland safe.
That was how I found my career,
And it's been just as rewarding as I had hoped.
An episode of CSI mentioned literature marks on the vic's neck,
Which inspired a fulfilling side project of poetry.
In a later CSI, taunts were exchanged:
"I'm the king of the jingle here! You don't stand a chants!"
"That's what you think! This isn't my first radio!"
(It wasn't a very well-written episode.)
Anyway, with that I tried adding tunes to my rhymes.
The result was better than I expected;
A local morning show even played one of my works on the radio!
My girlfriend told me she needed a shoulder to crayon.
This inspired me to